So, I’m sure that those of you who have been paying attention have noticed some of the changes I’ve been making. The most obvious one at this point should be the change of my username across all my social platforms. I have changed these things, because it no longer fits who I am now. However, it’s not a loss, but rather a new beginning.
For those who had been following me and my previous chronicles, you probably knew the struggles I was having with certain classes, namely Micro and most of all Pathology. Well, this past term I’d been tasked with retaking Path 2, which I failed in the Spring term, along with taking Micro and Pharm 2 for the first time. I had to pass Path by this past term and the other two by next term. However, Path trumped them both because if I didn’t pass Path, then I wouldn’t normally be allowed to continue on as the policy is usually that you can only fail a class twice. So ultimately, this is what happened to me. I failed Path once again and after meeting to discuss the situation, my school’s academic progress committee voted and unanimously recommended dismissal. The option to appeal was open, but it would’ve required some really significant reason as to why I should be given another chance and truthfully I had none. The news was shocking at first, but truthfully; after sitting alone for two days and thinking it over, I realized I wasn’t all that broken up over it. In fact, when I got my decision letter, more so than being devestated, I felt relieved. It was like my long battle with school had finally come to an end and I could finally give in.
The fact that I felt this way spoke pretty loud to me and seemed clearer than anything in awhile. I have no doubt that at some point becoming a doctor was my passion, otherwise I wouldn’t have even made it this far. However, at some point I’d say within the last year that changed and now I’m not feeling so passionate about it anymore. Perhaps it was this change, that led me to the outcome I arrived at. Perhaps this was the wake up call I needed to finally realize it. So many times this past term I’d asked myself, “why am I doing this?” I seemed to have forgotten and I’m pretty sure when you get to that point, that means something is different and you’re probably not going to benefit from keeping on the current path. All of this was what allowed me to officially make the decision to accept their recommendation and leave the school.
It’s disappointing that I couldn’t see this through and that I’ve spent so many years of my life building up to that, just for it all to come crashing down. However, I don’t regret it and would do it again. I’d still do it because I think it was a lesson i needed to learn. I needed to realize myself after failing, that becoming a doctor just isn’t my true calling. I think I was so stuck on feeling like I had to succeed, that I couldn’t fail because so many people were looking forward to my success and were rooting for me. I think I was scared to fail only because I feared I’d let my family and friends down, rather than being scared that my dream would be over. Ultimately, it seems that this was not really my dream anymore. However, while there, I was able to make some amazing friends, in fact one best friend in particular, who I now can’t imagine living without. I had a lot of other wonderful experiences too, experiences I never would’ve had if I hadn’t done it. So no regrets.
So then what is my dream? This was the next thing I had to think about and I can’t say I know for certain just yet, but I can say this, I hadn’t been happier within this last year than when I was writing. All of you who follow me know that I’ve been heavily into writing lately, an old passion that I rediscovered while going through my med school adventure. I’d forgotten just how happy it made me, but thinking about it now, it makes a lot of sense. I’ve always been a good writer and I’ve always been praised for my writing even as a child. I just never had the confidence or drive to make anything more of it and back then my dream of being a doctor mattered more. So I ultimately put my writing on the back burner. However, within this last year, I’ve found that I could no longer put it on the back burner and in fact, I did a full 180. It started to become the case that school was being put on the back burner, while writing took the lead. That very well may have been the start of my downfall I can admit, but I can’t say I regret it, because it made me happy.
It’s clear that writing has taken the lead as my new passion, but does that now mean I don’t care about medicine? Not at all. I still have a big interest in medicine and I still love Neuroscience, which was my undergraduate major. Those things are still very much a part of my life and relevant. However, the difference now is, I’m not sacrificing my writing for them. I’m going to find a way to combine them together and I’m only just learning just how many options and opportunities there are. There’s technical writing, medical writing, science writing and many other things, the challenge now is finding something I can get into with the least amount of additional schooling and experience. The downfall of some of these is that they want many years of experience, but it’s hard to get because I either don’t have the qualifications of don’t have the experience to get experience! I’m sure that this means I’ll have to do a lot of leg work in trying to make connections in the fields I’m now interested in and really getting myself out there. To show people what I can do though, I need to start writing more and expand my topics. Now that I’m out of school, I’ll have time to do that, but unfortunately I’ll still need a job because I don’t have the luxury not to work. My loans will be coming for me soon enough.
I’m not really sure what the future holds and how the next year and beyond is going to end up, but the one thing I can say for sure is that I will never put my writing on the backburner again. It’s become too important to me and I really think it’s where my true talent lies. If there is anywhere that I can leave my mark and make a difference, I really do think it’ll be writing. So that’s why I’m going to be working towards that path. This is the birth of a new dream and I may not know for sure if it’ll pan out or if I’ll be successful, but if nothing else, I know that it’s not something I’ll ever lose passion for, because it’s always been inside of me, lost under the distractions, but I won’t let that happen again.
I thank everyone who ever rooted for me, supported me and believed in me. I don’t want you to feel sad for me, because I know that things have happened as they were meant to and I know that I will rise again, probably even better than before. I’ll no longer have to choose between writing or studying like before, where truthfully, writing often won. Now that my pursuit of being a doctor is over, I’ve changed my username to be OtakuGamerGirlT, as this will now more accurately reflect this site. I’m officially moving my writing posts and project announcements over to my offical author blog and this is where they will be from now on. I’ll be reblogging a post from there on here soon, but for those who have been following all of my writing posts here, I encourage you to go follow that blog, so you won’t miss an update. Nothing is going to change in terms of my current writing projects though. I’ll still be working on my Trails series and on The Valkyrie Princess and they will still be posted to Movellas. I’m just shifting all the future posts on those things to my author blog. If you followed my writing at all, it’s worth following.
So finally, I just want to say thank you in general to you all. This may seem like an obvious result based on the simple fact that my posts as of late have been more focused on my writing projects than anything else, but now I finally have the realization for myself. I’m going to continue to do what I love, while also continuing to research opportunities for writing in medicine and and the sciences. To my writing friends and followers out there, I’d happily take any advice you have to give. To everyone else, I’d appreciate your continued support of my posts. This blog will be dedicated to nothing but Anime, Manga and Games, which is truthfully what it was always meant to be at the beginning.
Follow my writing blog at https://literaryscribetanique.wordpress.com/